Two Dads Are Better Than None!

Being a parent is not simply bearing a title. It is not necessarily conferred through genetics.

It does not demand a particular sexual orientation any more than it requires a specific ethnic heritage.

Parenting is a richly diverse and distinctive relationship that adults form and nourish with the children in their homes and in their lives. Parents and their children are above all each other's teachers in life.

Their family experiences have much of value to teach us all"

~ Dr.Jane Levy Drucker

No bona fide parent will tell you that being a parent is easy. It's a full time job with low pay, terrible hours and the HR department can be unreliable at times. However, as far as on-the-job benefits go, it's hard to beat. For many people being a parent, whether planned or not, is one of the greatest gifts in life. And whilst many people would consider parenting to be a normal and expected outcome of a fulfilled life there are some people for whom it takes a little more work and whole lot of careful thought. With the huge range of different types of families out there it is not surprising that adoption is increasingly being considered as an option for people who, either biologically or otherwise, cannot start a family.

In the spotlight recently has been the issue of gay adoption. With the gay rights movement gaining momentum across the globe and social gears slowly beginning to turn the cogs of outdated minds towards a new way of thinking, it is now more than ever that previously invisible people must speak out. Luckily, for the last decade or so enlightened minds have been working in the background to help those who come after them to live a more fulfilling life. Research on gay parenting has been focussing in on the effects that gay parents have on their children. In direct answer to the outdated model of homosexuality as a perversion there has been an overwhelming amount of evidence that points to the healthy and adaptive growth of children raised by lesbian and gay parents. The questions like "Will the children of gays and lesbians turn out to be gay/lesbian?" have been put to bed. No more are people asking "Are gays and lesbian emotionally capable of nurturing a child?". And as offensive and backwards as these statements sound now, they were once questions which were at the forefront of psychological research on families.

So what now? If these questions have been asked and answered why are we still struggling to be seen? The answer lies in the fact that we have shaken the foundations of some of the oldest psychological and social theories on parent-child dynamics but we have not replaced them with a more resilient and up-to-date theory. Open minded psychologists the world over might be protesting at this sweeping statement but in reality there is little unified or tested psychological theory explaining the growth and development of gay or lesbian people. And whilst there has been much research into the outcomes for children of gay or lesbian parents there is virtually no research on what it is like to be a gay father, or lesbian mother. In order to better allow ourselves to become parents we must first explore the realms of what it means for us personally and in our relationships with significant others. Straight parents have benefited from a long history of psychological research which has highlighted the ways in which parents can be 'good enough' to raise healthy, happy individuals all while retaining their sanity. Not so for gay and lesbian parents. Now is the time for gay and lesbian parents to take the stage and speak about their own experiences as parents. What makes them tick? How do they negotiate the intricacies of family life and raising children? How have they come to integrate the different aspects of themselves as individuals, partners, parents and family members?

I am currently running a research program in Johannesburg, South Africa

which is looking at gay fathers' subjective experiences of fatherhood. I am hoping to uncover the many different aspects of fatherhood that gay men engage with in their daily lives as fathers and as gay men. Whilst there has been much research on lesbian mothers there is a wide gap in the research on how gay fathers experience themselves in their role as a father, whether a single parent or as a couple. There is a focus on gay fathers who have adopted a child although input from gay fathers of biological children will be useful as well because some similarities may occur alongside some fundamental differences. The aim of the project is to find ways in which psychological theory can either be applied or be revised in order to able able to account for the experience of gay and lesbian parents.

If you are interested in participating or would like more information please feel free to contact me via email at Brett.Pepper@students.wits.ac.za.

If you believe that someone you know may be interested in this research please send them this link or my email address and ask them to get in touch.

Together we can make a safe place for our children and ourselves.

Yours in Progress

Brett Pepper

(MA Clinical Psychology)

University of the Witwatersrand